I haven't blogged in a while. Usually when I blog It's because something great or exciting happened and I have a ton of cute pictures to accompany whatever story I wanted to share with everyone. Today, I just want to be real. No cute font or pictures, just me saying whats been on my heart. Ministry is hard. Recently, I read the article "
10 Things Missionaries Won't Tell You." I didn't want to repost it because I didn't agree with everything, but the main topics were pretty accurate and I wanted to reword them a little and share some of my own thoughts.
1. I don't have the time or energy to write but I do it for you.
I'm writing now because I haven't in a while, not because I'm bored and have nothing to do. I actually really need to eat some lunch and head to Mexico to make deliveries and check on America. I write because I know I need to. I do enjoy keeping everyone updated, don't get me wrong, but it it's never because I have time. (I actually did have to leave and finish this post on Sunday)
2. Facebook likes don't fix any thing, your prayers and support do.
Yes, some people have really responded, helped, and prayed when we've needed funding for something. TBH (to be honest) the ALS challenge was wonderful, but it also showed how many people have the ability to give and just don't. I guess it's because it isn't trending on social media or doesn't come with a cool challenge, but the needs are real and they never stop.
3. I ask for money because I have to.
I hate asking for money, I really do. Which is why I try not to often. We're asked for help every time we are in Mexico. All of the things are important: education, food, medicine, doctors appointments, etc. If at all possible that day, I say yes. Money is not mine, it's God's and when his people need help, I feel called to help.
4. You'll never know about my worst days because I don't want to admit that some days are hard.
This one is pretty on point. I very rarely post about the hard days, because I don't want people to see me struggling. I want people to think I am constantly joyful in doing the Lord's work. Honestly? I've been struggling with anxiety about, well, everything. Sometimes I'm not a joyful giver, I don't go into Mexico with an open heart, and sometimes I don't want the kids to come play because I'm exhausted. So far, I haven't let people see that. I still post cute pictures with kids and find something positive to say.
5. I need a vacation, but wouldn't tell you if I took one.
This one is kind of general about missionaries and covers a lot of things. We're funded by people or churches, and for me, I try to make sure everything I spend money on is for ministry or my needs. I try to be careful what I post in fear that people will think I am spending their money on something for myself. I know it happens because I did it before I was in a missionaries shoes.
6. Helping lead groups is a lot of work.
I love groups. I do I do. Know that a lot is done behind the scenes to make sure groups have a smooth trip. They're only here for a week after-all, and I wouldn't want them to see the flaws or the struggles that week. I want them to leave filled with the Spirit and wanting to come back. I want them to have fun!
7. "Going Home" doesn't really feel like going home, and it's stressful to find time to see everyone.
Looking ahead to my trip home next month and for Christmas, I am excited to see everyone, but also worried about having time to see everyone. It won't be a vacation because I know I will jam pack my schedule with lunch dates, etc. People will say welcome home! Isn't it good to be home? It isn't completely home anymore though. My heart is where the Lord has placed it.
8. It's Easy for God to take a back seat in my life.
I feel like people assume that we always put God first, never forget our Bible study, and have been able to strengthen relationships with The Lord, because we are consistently serving. It is easy though, to get so busy serving that we forget to strengthen our personal relationship with God. I am struggling with this now as we speak and need to focus on daily time in the word.
9. It's hard to trust people.
When in Mexico, like I said the needs are constantly coming. Sometimes, I don't know if the things are legitimate. It's hard to trust some people, if they are going to spend the money I give them on medicine or alcohol. I wish I could trust everyone no questions asked, but every time I pray and listen to God for guidance and hope that I understand what to do.
10. Sometimes I'm lonely.
Luckily, I am surrounded by an amazing team of brothers and sisters in Christ and a boyfriend who loves me and encourages me. I do miss my family and friends and have already missed out on some things by not being in Alabama, and sometimes I am lonely. Thank goodness for technology on the hard days.
This post seems like I'm being a super "Debbie Downer." I'm not asking for pity, or anything like that. I just want you to know that sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I'm exhausted. And Sometimes I have anxiety through the busyness of ministry. All in all, God has been faithful through every single day. He reveals himself to me everyday in the little things and the big things. When I'm down or anxious He calms my soul and sends those little blessings I talked about in earlier posts. My students are a blessing. The kids' smiles brighten my day. My Mexico family is here to talk about the days when we aren't feeling up to it. God is Good. All the Time. All the Time. God is Good. No matter what the day brings, I wouldn't trade serving my God for any other job in the world!
I read this post over and over to decide whether or not to share it. I want to be real. Those of you that keep up with me and say you are praying.
You can pray for these things:
less anxiety, joyful giving, time to rest, and for me to seek the Lord Daily!
Thank you to those who have partnered with me this year, I hope to get a newsletter out in the mail to everyone who sponsored me, keep a look out for it this month!
